The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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