drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
