I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
