just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
