I faked an abortion last night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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