How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
