You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
