I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
