how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
