Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
