mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone signed my nipple.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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