Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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