We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm like, not good at living.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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