I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
