I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
