Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
