Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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