...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
