I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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