I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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