so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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