At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
