its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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