btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
