id be glad to
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
