put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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