Four minutes until I can fart!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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