I'm jealous of your bromance
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
