We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
