She is in my trunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
