I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
