She announced her abortion via fbk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
