i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize