I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
