In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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