Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
