How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
