I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
