Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
