Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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