I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
