are you still at the devil's house?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
