went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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