I heard we made out
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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