You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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