You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize