I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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