Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
