Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
