Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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