to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
