there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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