I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
