Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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