it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
