She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want nice things and good sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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