I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
