This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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