And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
