considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
