finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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