Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
