I wannas sexs uuuuu
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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