I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
