when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
